Wankers started arriving as early as 2pm as witnessed by the usual smoothies Bouncing Castle & Camilla. They had smelt the goodies from the hares as it was yet another birthday run. I made the usual announcements. Started by thanking those few diehard NH3 wankers who attended to climb the Ngong Hills yet again despite the challenges of squatters as well as Impala Club not providing a DJ as promised. But life went on and we did enjoy ourselves in the many comfy bars around the leafy suburb. Next was the Pan Africa Hash 2015 event with more rego’s coming in since a week ago. Our brooders are still ahead of us oooohhh. NH3 please up your game! The Great Rift Valley Run in July as a Pre Amble. Next Monday’s run will be yet another birthday run courtesy of Exposure at the Ikon Gardens. I am blessed and honored to have been born as a Gemini Contender.. The Party don’t stop as Global D Teaser motivates us wankers every week. After the hares “lied” to us about the route!! Anyways one of them is liar by profession (Arafat) we went out to check it out.

Out to the gate to the leafy suburbs..more of the leafy suburbs..many dogs barking behind leafy suburb gates and even those going for a walk have a poti for them carried around by the owners. By the time we have zubd watching mambo ya leafy suburb! Alas! Here is the hold just after Muthangari Police Station. Had some melons, miwaand, marigu, beers and mae to teremsha the sweetness. Then wataalamu wa mji wa Kiambu and Subukia notice an empty broti which belongs to prominent businessman. You should have heard what they can develop if they were given. Mukabete says haki hii ingekuwa shopping mall mzima na pent house juu. Mjaka says haki ile night club ingekuwa hapa hata KQ wangejaza flights from the Lake side every weekend to the City in the sun. Mluyha says Muhana hapa viwanda za kuku na mayai si supply ingefika Mumias daily. Mkisii says Inchore mwana Mandizi za aina yote duniani ingejaa hapa. But our RA says wankers the weed that can grow here can feed all morgue attendants in the country. After a song it was ON home.

Hash Anthem, announcements again by me. (I sip my Waragi now preparing my throat for the Jinja relay with Team Waragi). Then we started down downs by RA Corpse Doer. We had many returnee’s. The birthday month of June has seen so many returnees’. Nyote Mwakaribishwa tena wapunyeto. We had some virgins. The greatest sinner for the day was Fondler for not adhering to the rule of the day which was “NO UNDERWEAR DAY” yet he run completely naked. Wet fcuk was another offender for sticking to the rule but destructing wankers on the trail with noises from under there as heard “pingili…pengele…pungulu..” Then came the naming of Wangu Maina who tried to compete with the “backside” of fireme but couldn’t earn it. She was officially hashinized as threesome for having been brought to the hash by 2 brothers.

On..On.. to next Monday’s run at IkonGardens with Exposure.

Kampala Jinja relay here we come as Nairoberries.. start safeguarding everything including goods that can be chopped. Some registered Nyeri women are in the teams!! (Evil laugh..courtesy of Global D Teaser)…

GM Kadinya

Run 1999 – Kymms Garden

Hares: Kadinya and Tender Foot

The venue for Monday Hash was at Kymms Garden along Gitanga Road, new venue for the wankers with GM Kadinya and Tenderfoot as the hares. This was a birthday run and there were goodies. Hashers started trickling in as early as 3.30pm.(Talk about kukosa Kazi!)

Fast Forward to 5.45pm when the run started.From Kymms Garden the thirsty wankers took a right turn onto Gitanga Road and then a left turn on James Gichuru Road.The route took them to Big Square where they took a left turn on El Molo Drive and proceeded on to Convent Road. There was a very wet Hold along convent Road where wankers were too tired to sing.The split was from the hold, where the long continued onto convent road, James Gichuru, Muthangari Drive and back home.The short went back the same way as they came but had to take a lap at Jafferys Academy before proceeding to Muthangari Drive and back Home.

Back at Kymms Garden,hashers assembled for the down downs officiated by non-other than the GM of Kitale, Plumber.There were 12 returnees who only wait for hash events with goodies to appear. These were Alcoblow, Conjestina, Hashis, GM Fish killer, House Keys, Exposer, Monk, Plumbess, Hash harlot, Bluepill, Mguu and Thunderthighs.

There were hashers who were also recognized for being in the hash for too long. Hash Harlot who has been hashing for the last two centuries had only 50 runs to show for it and blue pill joined her in that category.

There were also virgins though one by the name Nduta waweru decided to be MIA….(Not sure what FanyaIt did to scare her off).The other one, Sharon Akinyi was a true blue hasher in the making downing two glasses of beer in less than five seconds…..shame to the existing hashers.

Then there was the cake, as sumptuous as its logo.The food was great especially the MBUZI!!!! (Recipe Please).Wankers went for 2 to 3 fillings.Then the party didn’t stop.

Announcements were as follows:

20th June 2015-Ngongathon

21st June 2015-Sunday Run at Mchana

22nd June 2015-Mondays Run at Daves Bar along James Gichuru Road

3th to 5th July-Kampala-Jinja Relay

17 th to 19th July 2015-The Great Rift Run.

Run 1998 – Atlantis Garden

Hares: Ololo and Goat Surveyor

Many wankers arrived early in anticipation of goodies. Well it was a birthday run!

GM Kadinya called gather round and made the usual announcements: Jinja Relay, Great Rift and Pan Africa Hash. You wankers are being asked to register as it’s our event.

On on out the gate turned left only to find someone who’d ‘kissed’ the fence with his car. Up Lenana rd, (just missing last week’s hare’s home.) He should be writing this critic!!!. Just before the roundabout turned right, did a loop and came out on Chaka rd, turned left and hit Dennis Pritt. Up this rd, turned right and down the hill and up the hill and found a split. Longs turned right and shorts continued to Othaya rd, a loop then the hold. Of course there is no way I will pass the hold and do the loop. At the hold there was lots of juicy melons and beer. Plumber did his famous redemption of ‘Today is Monday’, much to the amusement of the visitors and passersby. There was one who left shaking his head and I’m sure he went home to pray for us. Thank the Lord he did not see Audrey’s infamous post.

After, a loop for the longs and on home for the shorts. I must say that it was a very well thought out run, with most getting back just before dark. Kudu’s hares and your mercenary.

Down downs had 12 returnees. Yeeeeah! We need more. Keep them coming. 3 virgins Nancy, Eddie and Ben. Don’t remember what the first two do but Ben was almost haloed by the ladies after saying he is a gynecologist. Two visitors High Commissioner from Lagos and Just Andy from the States.

Blind Sausage finally got his Hare appreciation t shirt that I have kept for him for 5 years. He was dressed by Baby Come Back, who, was given the job of Social Sec and absconded after 2 servings. She drank from her shoe. A true blue hasher.

Next Time Grabass was rewarded for being the RA on WhatsApp and Goat Surveyor for going to survey the ladies loo.

The hares and their mercenary Half Mast were then rewarded.

The Cake was cut (You’ve seen the photos), a scrumptious meal was served and the party started.

Wonder who were the last men standing?

On on.

SupaMambo for Bouncing Castle and Finger of God. (You two owe me lots of beer)

Run 1991 – Courtyard

From what I remember,

The hares took the opportunity to set a free run….. No markings just pure instructions. Woe unto those who walk. Yet funnily…it actually worked and a down down was well deserved but who can blame this man Dida…the rains did not serve him justice the night before.

Corpse doer did not fail to get a wash up for his bday while the visiting hasher “more men” took us through her favorite song and totally deserves a nice massage at the famous…..…yap you said it…that was the name of the song.

There was lots of food, two whole goats, well consumed and cleared by the last 10 left standing….but not for too long though. Wankers are aging.

All in all it was a lovely evening

Drinking club with a running problem