1649 Run
02 Mar 2009
Venue: The Barn - Karen
Critique by Desire and Co.

Gather around …………..on time and the 60 or so hashers got together

Mombasa run promises to be fun, register with mismanagement….Beers at 100, sodas at 50 and plenty of goat, the last bit of information managed to get most smiling as the waft of roasting meat assaulted our noses.

Long 10 km and short 5km and ON! ON! With a split from the start, long did a small curve into the bush and the short out of the gate and onto a track alongside Ngong road.
The long ended up as along stretch (Yeah like this wanker ever did the long). The hold another bushy scene close to the bypass …..Cows across at a pond seem to be wondering who the two-legged animals having a water stop too are. Sugarcane/bananas/melons in plenty. Back down the bypass after another curve by the long and on home. Good run though most FRBs are heard complaining it did not feel like 10km.

Down Down time!

This chap has hashed for 17 years and is still bila a hash handle. ….Premature (Mashua if you like) he gets ….he also managed to “come” with a virgin, as per Mpira “no wonder he has been 17yrs in training. Poor Virgin

Shiro a banker gets named “deposits” after gunslinger’s witty remark …Do you prefer deposits or withdrawals? (Still smiling at that one).

Warlord give up assaulting the poor horses and back breaker thou shall not solicit from the Jockeys. Despite too little garbage on the route and too few bypasses the hares (Loketo and Anglican) still managed to get mercenaries to set the run. Get out there and do it when you promise a run. Hehe

Anniversaries ….Blind sausage 50runs

Auction Time …

Wankers were indeed philanthropic ( feela what) and raised good money for a charitable course ..Well done … Big and Warlord thanks for the Christies like auction for the Chivas at 7600ksh.

There after was beer and the goat in plenty..(ON ON! …..Titi left and Desire)

RUN 1635 - PSYS BAR
HARES: Gunslinger & Disaster

Hashers started arriving early knowing that the run was also the AGM. This is always means a relatively short trail and lots of free food and beer. Hashers did not disappoint and they turned up in droves at the prospect of a cheap night out and a big hangover on Tuesday morning. We set off on a well marked trail down past the Sailing Club and along Nairobi Dam. There was lots of dust and great panoramic vistas across the sprawl of Kibera. One miscreant hasher, a certain Avenger, was even seen crossing the bridge into Kibera for a few shots of kumi kumi and a quick, cheap shag! The hold was held up on the bypass where Long Wet One led us in song. F2, being the loud one the she is, was punished for yapping on about the KQ share price rather than joining the rest of us in song. Our Trailmaster, Strungi, then split the pack into a short, medium and long back to Langata Shopping Centre. All runs back took in loads of toxic fumes, dust and grime from Langata Rd.

Back at Psys, the AGM got underway with good presentations by the GM and our Bidmaster for 2012 World Interhash, Mpira. Demands for more beers surfaced after Chuma's report of Hash bank balance. Shouts of HAKI YETU echoed through the bar and the GM finally capitulated by giving hashers another free beer. On conclusion of the formalities, the RA was anxious to dish out the punishment to offenders where it was warranted (and sometimes where it was not). First on the hit list was the new Kitty Keeper, who simply could not be known to hashers as Esther Chege. She was unceremoniously baptised by Creamed Rice as Watchie. Next up were three wankers (Idiot, Kiss of Life and Kang'ura Tosha) who decided that listening to their MP3 players on the trail was more important than talking trash with fellow hashers. The next wanker, Bishop, was punished for building a shack on Thika Road reserve. Yabbadabba noted that being on stage gave Bishop a hard-on, and she was duly punished for taking notice of his third leg! G-String and Melon Baby were spotted having a beer at a brothel in Otiende while Doggie Style and Mbwa Kali were humiliated by drinking out of their matching new black Converse basketball shoes. A number of hashers - Exposer, Panda Punda, Safari Ant, Warlord, Not Sober, Takataka and Miroo - thought that the Hash AGM meant they needed to dress formally. Needless to say, they were forced to swallow some warm Tuskers for their ignorance.

A number of anniversaries were also recognized, including Safari Ant (150), Gueen Gake (150), Slow Wanker (200), Martin Fisher (200), Master P (200), Miroo (300), Nyama Choma (300), Yabadabadoo (300), Tea Balls (300), Macarena (350), Exposer (400), and Pussy in Boots (450). The RA had pity on one non-hasher at the event, a certain Dave Feldman, who was sporting crutches and was accompanied by two scantily clad nurses. All three enjoyed a free beer on the hashers. The evening climaxed with a cake (imported from Dubai) and a hashy birthday song for the RA, who celebrated his 40th on the nite. Hashers were treated to a further six crates of beer - two from the RA, two from Tea Balls who was also celebrating his birthday the same week, and two from Warlord who always extends his generosity to the wankers in the form of free beer. The party went on to the early hours of Tuesday morning with dancing and the frequent showering of the RA in beer. Despite Kisser's generously giving the RA two clean hash shirts - these quickly got soaked. The RA was last heard asking the bartender for a pack of Omo!
On on ………………

RUN No. 1630 GOLDEN WINGS HARES: SISTER BALLBREAKER

CRITIC: SUCKER & P. DIDDY

"Son, when you're participating in sports events, it's not whether you win or lose… it's how drunk you get"
HOMER SIMPSON
I was through the heading of my latest labours of pain (poetry) when my monotonous and deliberately timed Monday alarm disturb another classic in the offing. 'Shadows of the Midday Sun' ended up in the dustbin instead and the Hash cut my dreams to become an amateur poet.
To Golden Wings I headed through the maddening, endless snake of docile elaborate horses that is typical of Nairobi in the afternoons. Why isn't Topi in the VISION 2030 committee? If he could see the need to start the Sunday Hash (read Akorino Hash), then he can help achieve this grand vision before 2030. the moral of the story is, I arrived long after the run started and only saw Fire Me trudge towards the Women's Prison either on her capacity as a short-cutter or new gym instructor for Awori Babes.
Since I retired from FRBng, I see life from a walker's perspective. Why sweat when you can perspire? I realized, for example, that the Hash beer rates were extended to the regular customers and that Sister Ballbreaker doesn't know the registration number of her car. Takataka was surprised I was on Sprite moto and he seemed so eager to buy rounds I suspected he offloaded his Safaricom shares. Mater P., who is back on Payroll after ditching the jua kali sector, placed an order for 8 sausages on reliably learning that there was no regular mbuzi. Backbreaker confessed that her home menu has goat meat for Monday supper, and it is at the Hash. At this rate, there will be goat ribs at the hold.
Martina was the first to arrive and looked lost as usual. The global credit crunch has had no effect on Hashers' thirst as all instantly headed for the counter as usual for two cold ones before Joe Big bellowed 'gather' loud….. What art thou laughegh?
GM downsized to RA Mpira took to the altar as was purely in character to dwell upon virgins as kept the details to himself. Half-mast, Takataka and Crackass were the benevolent virgin suppliers as Safari Ant was menacingly wielding an empty beer bottle at the poor virgins. I pray this surge is not related to the practice seekers preparing for the Stanchart Marathon. Wannabe RA Backbreaker sawa soft spot in Sucker and Master P while Exposer gave a down-down to Idiot for (believe it or drink) being an IDIOT.
A Harriette working for Radio Africa (everybody is in media) has had five runs without being known by Sucker, P Diddy or Needhole. Are we aging or what? She was due for Hashtism and our uncreative and pathetic urge to remain local saw proposals bordering on tombstone inscriptions. Please, forget pub(l)ic opinion. I still believe WAVELENGHT would have been a more universally acceptable Hash handle than the local nomenclature KARADIO. Maybe we should form a Naming Committee like other Hashes do or simply utilize the free online Hash Name Generator that is so instant and knows no mercy. Nonetheless, Creamed Rice, after invoking the ancestry of the laid, laying and living GMs, legally gave the name Karadio.
There was a visiting Hasher from Darfur or Juba who was out here to check on the status of the t-10s. Key House had mugs for Chuma (750 runs), Avenger (800 runs) and Sema Nami (4 mugs). It was a good family run with Super mambo and Half-mast as hares on hire. The spinach fry had pilipili and there was more meat than ugali. Great run, great gathering, wonderful glowing virgins, and our Idiot is intact.
The reality is that Chavakali Run is out till 2009 because I've been busy preparing my kids fir the First Holy Communion, which they gleefully partook to last Sunday as I sat salivating on the pews. Now that I am quitting drinking beer, can I be allowed to re-launch my column SUCKER'S TONGUE: NO TURN UNSTONNED. I promise it will be different since I'll be drinking Johnnie Walker Black Label or something better.

Aug 25 Run # 1624 Buffet Park Hares Nyamachoma Pussy in Boots and Dreams

Critics Avenger and Chuma

A great turn out for this run as its location is closer to most Hashers for various reasons that only Hasher can explain!!!. Sling er and GM got the ball rolling by announcing at the top of their gulley's the coming events for the next few weeks, again a big shout for the Respect but in wain, who can ever quite this bunch?. The Pack got loose as they poured out of the Park and onto the Arwing K Rd, turned left for a loop onto the Ngong Road for long. fast runners were quick to catch up with slow runners to accompany them up to Yah Yah Ctr across the road past the Jua Kali Garages to the new bridge and up the Hill basically it was more or less the same run that we normally have from the Buffet Park.
Fun started at the Down Down with the offenders, first was Gaga and Half mast where Slinger could not pronounce the name of Gaga's little town called Kangacho where Kencell and Celltell Sign still hanging on the walls of Dukas, somehow Bookworm and ATR managed to Shower at the Car wash, with that Jet Spray I don't think they will need shower for another week or Two BAoa Mboga got one for getting energy from the Veges at the Nyama joint , Idiot being Idiot asked for one as he got to the middle of the Pipe crossing and stopped and complained about the bad smell from the Frothy waters and couldn't move any further,I wonder who helped him get across!.
Anniversaries were Four Cinderella for 300,Slinger for 200, Ngwahi 100, and Super Mambo for 500Th runs which ended with a song from SupMambo Pretty Virgins were plenty One of them got a very nice name called Panda Punda(Mount a Donkey) after Thrice Vote rigging and she took it nicely when being Baptized by EX GM Creamed Rice, Returnees were not left without the Down Downs finally someone shouted FOOD and the Que got long before I could get there for more Mboga's then Nyama which was very good and I belive fun had by all for that Monday Night.
Thanks to the HARE's Nyamchom Pussy in the Boot and Dreams

1596 Walkabouts - Hares Ballstrocker & Nyamakima)

Critic, Gaga and Kondoo (aka the Kamunge's - Soooory no mug for you

CRITIQUE RUN #14, AT MAGGIE'S, HARE ATR
Gather round was called by GM Emoro and the Run started promptly at 1600hrs with an attendance of about 20 "wankers" dressed in all manner of sports attire. In cognisance of Kofi Annan's outstanding mediation efforts, Puss in Boots came dressed in a Ghanian outfit but was informed she couldn't run in it.
ATR made announcements and tried to ally fears of his usual "mini marathons". The long changed from 10 to 11 to 12 and eventually he settled at 15 ( of course no one believed that), the short also escaleted from 5 to a maximum of 8 kms.
Safari ant came in late as usual and took her time to change only to find all the wankers had taken off so clever girl decided to create her own route.
ON ON, the run started off towards the Un HQ with Panua taking off. We all thought she had drastically improved her running skills, only to be shocked later when we found her panting down hill. We FRBs (but do I say) did our thing, cruising through the Shell and BP club and into the forest. Wankers were distinctly and clearly told ALL marks would be on the left but some still managed to get lost. On comparing distances thereafter it turns out that the Long was almost 20 kms,while the short was 2 kms , especially since they got to Maggies before everyone.

DOWN DOWN TIME!!
Down downs started at 6.30pm with my "handsome self" as RA and with the short version of the Hashional anthem.
OFFENDERS:
Serut brought a Virgin (yeah) to show off his running prowess, although he was still last. However his punishment was for asking the RA's advice on remedies for friction btw his legs, yet his virgin is a practicing Med doctor or is it Vet?.
Panua got a Down down for trying to get the RA to venture into a bush with her, ATR saved the day and the RA was saved by a whisker.
Twinkle toes got a down down for watering all the trees with ATR's marks during the Run. Since he was ahead he managed to erase some of them leading to wankers getting lost.
Loki for falling and giving us a hard time trying to lift her up as she pretended to faint. We later found out that she was trying to rest after we gained on her and threatened to overtake her.
Kudos to ATR for a wonderful forest run and especially for the water like refreshment thereafter ?
ON! ON!
Critic by TakaTaka

Nov 26 1585 Levans Park Hares Matiti Score

No Critis Half Mast and AN no Hash Mug Sorry Sorry

The Rooster & The Cat!

A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on his side.

The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, "I know, if we run & jump high enough we should be able to make it to theother side."

The cat responds "OK, let's give it a try"

The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the bag and starts devouring the chicken feed.

The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.

The Moral of the Story:

For every satisfied cock, there's a wet pussy!

Run 1573 Buffet Park Hares: Pussy in Boots, Dreams and Kichwa Mbuzi,

Critics Viceroy and Macarena (Hired Critic - Chicken)

At buffet park a crowd of about 100 hounds gathered at the wine bar. The up coming Naivasha relay dominated the announcements. This year Naivasha promises an array of complicated payments plans. On the table are several bizarre sleeping arrangements including a triple room, with one double bed and one single bed! It was announced that the price is inclusive of KWS gate charges, D.J, dinner, late night Mbuzi, breakfast and lunch on Sunday. A surcharge of Ksh1,000 will be imposed to the non-residents This Saturday will host two major runs to gear up for Naivasha relay. One will be held at Lukenya and the other will be a 30 Km run at Kona Baridi. Sister Ball Breaker was overheard seeking clarification about the details of the 30 Kilometer Naivasha prep run at Kona Baridi. I wonder if she will do the entire run!! Beer was at 100 bob with a free one for those who stay after 10 pm.
ON On to Argwing Khodhek, thhe hounds crossed Argwing and on to a dirt road heading North, only to find an On Back. After serious hunting the tail was finally found along Mtito Andei heading to Lenana Road. Some where on the trail I managed to overtake Dreams, only to learn that she was the sweeper!! The track slopped down the untarmarked Ring Road Kilimani. After crossing the river, the trail veered left towards the cellar. The hold was furnished with chilled water melons, cold water and a deadly punch.
The run was long (by chicken standards) with most hounds getting back to base at 7.00pm. Down Downs followed the usual stretches. GM Topi was the RA. One virgin was identified. Returnees included Gap, Kamisi, Long Legs and All Prices. There were several offenders, including those not dressed in proper hash attire such as Gaga, Wheelbarrow, Pussy in Boots, and Cinderella. Exposer, Small Sausage and Ngombe were nabbed fro short cutting. Matapiko One night and Mitumba were caught by the RA sipping their beer slowly as they awaited the 10'Oclock bell for a free beer.
Tung Twister "Raw Liver" took the centre stage. People from various tribes, including Kissi, Meru, Kikuyu and Kamba participated. Bogus accurately represented the Kikuyu in law liver. The hash shit was transferred from War Lord to Kondoo for attempting to be goat. Bishop via Kichwa Mbuzi invited all hashers for a dead bull choma at former Kengeles on Thika Road. As is the practice at Buffet, the hares Pussy in Boots, Dreams and Kichwa Mbuzi treated us to a sumptuous meal.

DUE TO PUBiC DEMAND THE FOLLOWING CRITIQUE HAS BEEN REPEATED with a few updates on the runners…..

Wild Willy's Run up Mount Kenya - 8th September 2007
The ride up Nanyuki is rough and the blame goes to the material cowboy contractors are made of. The rough terrain called for a stop in Karatina where unrefined women throw out civil politicians. Topi, Tuzo and I were not thrown out as we were careful not to order for fish and ugali. The other half of the entourage (PDiddy, Halfmast and Supamambo) were still busy having chicken and ugali at Chui's restaurant while lying that they were in Nanyuki. Trying Carl Tundo's stunts could not help them catch up!! This is the advance Friday party.
The Saturday drive to Sirimon became rough right outside the Sportsman's Alms gate. It's hard to believe that roads in Narc-K stronghold's looks like roads in Kisumu. 14.8 kilometers of such a ride gives way to 9 kilometers of what used to be part of Mount Kenya forest five years back but has turned out to be an over-farmed patch with some maize plantations looking as yellow as sunflower. Thanks to the environment minister whose is advocating for the Shamba system. With such elements who need blame the ozone layer via the American's and the Chinese for climate change, landslides and mosquitoes.
Being tolerant Topi was good enough to start the run 45minutes later than scheduled and all credit goes to the hashers who blamed the Friday night drinks and Kirinyaga construction who's using wheelbarrows and jembes to construct 100km+ road. 15 enthusiasts started the long, 3 (Joe big, Bypass and Yaba) were on the short and a further 3, PD, Halfmast and Camilla, excused themselves and opened a bar at the KWS gate. Supamambo arrived with a bunch of latecomers 10 minutes after the start and demanded another restart, but had to suffer for their inefficiency.
Sirimon gate route is more like a SLUT, beautiful, charming and innocent until she quotes the RATE (could be per night or per shot billing)!! House keys wanted a lift after the 1km mark. Joe big and Bypass almost stopped (breathing), Camilla was burning Botswana government fuel, Kiss of life's driver taught us how to change a 4x4 flat tyre, Gunslingers big vehicle felt it was better sinking in mud rather than struggle up……….. If a climb from 2070 meters asl (for the long) and 2800 meters asl (for Joe big and company) was tough on vehicles, how could the lungs cope? As I, Sucker was struggling up the last 4 kilometres to outdo the FRBs, Topi was a Good Samaritan towing all cars that had been stuck in mud for the past one week as I was welcomed by a biting cold at old Moses (3300) and some imaginative losers were starting their run. As I was ushered in by glowing hard hitting pebbles of hailstones, PDiddy, Halfmast, Gaga, Kondoo, JVC and others, were making the game wardens drunk. I probably felt like Moses the prophet felt in Sinai. No coffee, no booze, no woman to hold to. Am not complaining, old Moses was beautiful and the slopes further down form a mosaic of light and dark from the sun's discriminating alliance with the clouds.

RUN NO 1562 - VENUE WALKABOUT KIAMBU ROAD

It was all protocol observed with late G. M. Joe Big calling for gather around with the routine announcements. The G. M. reported what a challenging experience those who were in Mt Kenya Run had and because of which there was a fairly low turn out. The casualties were many, with those who ran reporting a match tougher and longer terrain on Sirimon Gate side of the climb compared to Naro Moru. The hares were introduced as Sema nami and Father Hen who had offered two dead goats. The beer prices were a hash friendly kshs. 90.00, as for sodas, nobody gave a damn. The runs were a concessionary short of 4 km, a long of 9 km for the FRB's and extra long of 11 km for those who did not go to Mount Kenya.
The trail was generally along Kiambu road for both short and long with a left turn into the coffee plantation in Ridge ways to a wet halt somewhere near Minister Michuki's house or thereabout. After the halt the short returned back home in reverse the trail while the long continued to Castle in Garden Estate, turned right towards Kenya Pipeline Housing then the long turned right towards Muthaiga North and back home, while the extra long proceeded to Kenya Pipeline Housing before making a right turn to Kaimbu Road and home.
The down downs were conducted by topi in the absence of the RA's . Toping the list of offenders for down downs were Mount Kenya culprits. Half mast Mutumba represented those who did not run up the mountain but instead held a dancing party at the Sirimon Gate to the annoyance of the KWS Rangers. Sema Nami earned a drink for crying at Old Moses Camp that she wanted to be taken to Kisumu and for saying that even if Bill Gates were to live there she would never marry him. Flying toilet and Lonesome were punished for short cutting, while two others were punished for not having been down downed in the recent past.
To sum it all, Joe Big lead hashers in signing for Sema Nami and Polkadot hashy birthday. It was a Great run to just say the list.

RUN NO - 1562 Venue CRACKERS PUB, Muthaiga Mini-Market Hares:

TAXI & Mercenary - ATR

Gather around was called by GM TOPI at 17:35hrs by a few Hashers had made to the venue as most of them came late because of the heavy traffic jam for those coming from city centre. Announcements for upcoming runs: Weekend run at the Great Rift Valley Lodge by WF (wetfuck) and Waragi, its WF's birthday run. Fullboard for only Kes 4k (four thousand shillings) arrange your own transport. The run starts at 4pm. Get there and enjoy what the expensive golfers pay so much for while you pay a third of the normal price! Next Monday run at Upperhill area, LE VANS PARK. Weekend in Diani Mombasa, 10 - 12 August all inclusive 6000KShs without transport, organizer Idiot - Mungai Give your email addresses to the scribe as soon there will be on printed copies of the trash. At 17.45hrs it was out of the gate and check out. After an on back, it was down Limuru Road and in to the forest with 3km of uphill climbing and finally the hold, a sober hold of pineapples, bananas and water. From the hold, believe you me, as the saying goes, whatever goes up must come down. It was an interesting downhill, cool, plenty of fresh air with no rivers to cross except one before we joined the busy main road. Another climbing yet again but not long though, in a few minutes we were all at Crackers car park. After the usual stretch exercises by Mad cow it was time for the Hash Anthem followed by down downs. Visiting hasher FOXI from Kampala H3 was the first to get a down down followed by Flash Legs and Creamed Rice for 550 Runs!! Since the two are stuck together it was only obvious that they get to the number together. Visitors: Faith Njunya from Germany and one virgin Muthoni Ngatia -Offenders: Warlord Conyo, Exposer, Tuzo, Bogus, Gunslinger, Anglican Bishop, Sucker and Fireme, these were the best offenders for the evening. The down drink was a killer Waragi mixed with Tusker. Shame on you Crackass, how dare you deny hashers music??!!! No snacks. Next time make sure there is M U S I Q U E otherwise all wankers leave after down downs. By the way the Mushroom I pick near the hold was delicious, I wished it was a lot I could have kept some for Monday run for sampling! The run was good and not too long as wankers expected from Taxi and ATR.

HASH RUN # 1550 CLUB ROYAL, KAREN 23/04/07

CRITIQUE BY JOE BIG & BRUCE LEE

I don't how how the hares managed to stop the rain from falling - at least until late night. Being close to last week's run, the venue was not hard to find…in a quite familiar zone. "Gather around" was called at 5.40pm and after the usual announcements, including a full calendar of out-of-town events, we set off on the trail. The first split was right at the start with the long doing a small loop before joining the struggling shorts. Second split put the longs through a "private" neighbourhood while the short ran (mostly walkers though) through a wooded neighbourhood all the way to the hold.

From the hold the long did a challenging loop before catching up with the shorts who were still mostly strolling past the Giraffe Park heading home. There were many offenders for the Down downs. We started off with a song to teach Pussy N Boots how to sing…. There was one virgin, Nanu, remembered well for giving the hashers a beautiful reception at Masai lodge. Bogus was the lucky guy to be chosen to drink with her. Talking Pussy and Sebastian were punished for squeezing on the wall. Exposer for deliberately falling so that Gunslinger could support her. For not wearing a Hash T-shirt, Ngombe and Chris (a new hasher) were punished. For Eating without the GMs permission; Suzanna and T-balls. For making a suicidal move of leaving Masai lodge at 3 am; Simamisha. For fear of crossing a dangerous bridge suspended by two thin strings; Joe Big. For hanging dangerously on the bridge with his girlfriend (what an idea of romance); Idiot. The hashers overwhelmingly refused to change Idiots name (to super idiot). For getting lost coming to club Royale; Alcoblow and Takataka. Sebastian was baptized as "Amorous Bull" Plenty of goat meat followed thereafter plus the usual socializing till late hours. All in all a very good run and hats off for the hares. Good job!!! On on!

HASH RUN # 1546: AMAICA RESTAURANT, HARES: GAGA AND NEEDHOLE, 26/03/07

CRITIQUE BY YABA & TAKATAKA

The run was at a new joint known as Amaica run by one Pamela - very friendly lady. She coined the name from her native language amaika, which means the three cooking stones….Gather round was called out and as usual the announcements were made followed by details of the run. Come 7.32 p.m and the sound of Orutu from Kenge Kenge was blaring out loud. Gather round by returnee ex RA Gunslinger and punishment was unleashed on the Maputo Africahash returnees. Ngombe for dropping shorts in full view of young girls, Gunnar was crowned bull of Maputo for sleeping in every harriets room, Bogus for not getting lucky as a result of the bull's escapades, Chicken for not getting enough 'Cow of Maputo'. Tuzo & Sucker for having nil by mouth (wonder what and who), Safari cunt who abandoned the Kenyans by taking her cunt on safari, Topi the bull of Pretoria for apparently wearing a star studded (condoms too?) sweater! Bypass for branding the sweater old fashioned - Topi had to import fashion magazines from SA to prove her wrong. On On late into the night as Kenge Kenge played all manner of songs - Hashers have never been entertained so thoroughly……even one hasher showed us his chupi in the excitement. Well organized run and will definitely re-visit the 'three stones bar'. ON ON Yaba & Taka

HASH RUN # 1545: SOUTH C SPORTS CLUB, YABA & TAKATAKA 19/03/07

CRITIQUE BY CHILOGO & FIREME

The run started on time, but the quorum was low. Hashers got lost looking for the venue, even going to MOW club but found no sign of harshers and considering that a good number had gone to Maputo for the Africa Inter-hash. Gather around was called and Polkadot made the announcements, reminding Hashers of of the visit to Matiti Score's "Anne Wanjohi" house on Thursday 22nd March. Three months ago she had been involved in a road accident which left her went broken limbs and huge hospital bills.

The next week's run was announced the venue being China Place on Ngong Road opposite the Coptic church. On coming runs out town Masinga Run is around the corner, organisers being Odd Balls, it has been a wonderful run and many exciting events in the package. If you haven't been to Masinga Run then you have been missing the most exciting run in the calendar, make a date this month the weekend of 31st March. See Gaga or Odd Ballers for registration, its only 2500/-. On, on, check it out, the author was misdirected from MOW and drove around for 30 minutes of driving round in circles she met the wankers as they were on on. Seeing the huge field in the venue she opted to do her on run round the field. The first split was near Kenya Bureau of Standards, Hare Takataka forgot that he was to lead the shorts, who went right at the junction of Kapit /Mombasa road till they met with the Longs and had to do an on-back. All the hashers went on along Mombasa road to South C shopping Centre for the Wet Hold, with berr and melons.

Lost of curious "chokoras (street boys/kids), who after entertainment of melons, wanted to have beer as well but Supa Mambo couldn't let that happen, she chased them away. With full stomachs another split and the Shorts walked past MOW Club, Mugoya Estate and right at Kapiti road junction before getting home. After the usual stretch exercises by none other than Simamisha, it was time for down downs. The Recycled R.A. Housee better known as Kichawa or Akakichwa conducted down downs. It has now become the in-thing that every Monday the Hares have been offering mbuzis despite the RVF that had threaten meat eating habit. There was plenty of meat, potatoes, cabbages and ugali not forgetting the rich soup and kichwa ya mbuzi. I have never seen hashers eat meat till they look at it. I believe after several beers even the meat which was left in the platters must have been cleared. Well done and thumbs up to the Hares. By the way membership is open to all and the club has a lot to offer. on on Fayemi and Chilogo

HASH RUN # 1542: Club VIBRO (KWENDA) PEEBREAK & FLASHLEGS - 26/02/07

CRITIQUE BY - TWITCHING TWART/NYAMAKIMA

The FM announced next week run at chicken place Kiambu RD, maputo run etc. The long is 9Km and short 5.5km on on check it out. Everyone was running but seems not to reach the hold as we later learned that ATR was one of the mercenary. The long reached the hold 20mins late then on on home. GM Topi conducted the down/s offenders (Sebastian & Gaga) Returnees (Dictator & Gunslinger) Virgins (Asteria & J. Njenga) anniversaries (Gaga 400runs & Oh my dick 200 runs) were awarded.

Desire wished when he grows up to be like stocker who seems to have many virgins up his ........... on on Meat and ugali was served which compensated the energy lost on the run. The long was short and short was long for Kichwa mbuzi, Sura mbaya and Banban who took a short-cut and became long short. Later hashers were offered a late chicken and decided to make a run at enzogu lead by Dictator "Ambassander".

Nevertheless Mercury and Sura mbaya overfed the meat therefore the beers were going nowhere so they stayed till late night. All in all the run was good keep up Flashlegs & Peebreak (Kwenda kabisa peebreak). On....on

HASH RUN # 1541: CRACKERS, MUTHAIGA SHOPPING CENTRE (BDAY RUN) 19/02/07

CRITIQUE BY MPIRA AND CINDERELLA

It was obvious right from the start that the Buru Buru Mafia (the Hares and all their mercenaries ATR, GString, SuraMbaya etc) was at it again…fortunately none of the are from Gachie!!! The long was meant to be 7.8258 kms and the short was to be 5.4287 kms…didn't know they were that literate and precise in Buru Buru but the Hash wonders never cease. On On was off right and into Karura forest past the Congo and German embassy residences and then a split a kilometer later only for the longs to backtrack all the was back to the shorts split. According to ATR (you can take him to Runda but you cannot take Buru Buru out of him!) the roads in Buru Buru are all blocked so you have to keep coming back to the same place. Another split and down to the river and another backtrack up Agony Hill. Borehole was seen with a broken gasket with smoke coming out of some unmentionable places. Then to the Halt for melons, water etc but no Kichwa to lead the singing!! The on home down, after another split, and on Limuru Road and up the hill back to Crackers.

Downdown Time!! Down downs started at 7.30pm with Joe Big as GM and One Night as acting RA. Joe Big lead the wankers thru the hasheral anthem.

OFFENDERS: Anglican Bishop for peeing on run; Desire was punished for calling the police on hashers on Saturday during the valentine's Ball. Some wankers interfered with the Valentines Ball by throwing a parallel party at Impala club in the name "koroga party". Some Hashers will do anything to avoid paying for the Ball and support charity!! These are none other than HouseKeys, Crack Ass, CD and Bypass. Shame on them!!Walton Wanker for not wearing a reflector.

VIRGINS: Yevette, Belinda and Susan from Kampala Hash, shamelessly made to come by Yabadabadoo. (Father Hen, in the absense of Mother Hen, overheard commenting about how '"loaded" the Baganda's are..not sure what he meant but….)

ANNIVERSERIES: 450 runs for Big Balls and Long Legs for 400 runs, both receiving beer mugs. Mercury for 100 runs and MaryG for 150 runs. Father Hen, after ogling the Ugandans, was taken a few kilometers back when he received a 200 run's mug for the year 2002.

RETURNEES: Tenderfoot, Warlord, Broken Dick, Digger and Chiloeo.

PICK OF THEEVENENING: Hakuna Kitu put himself on sale!!!! Anyone with a desire to have dinner with him…bid bid bid!!!! All for a good course. The women went wild!! Supambo kicked it off with 500, and there were shouts of mimi 1000k!!, mimi 1100k!! mie 1,500k!!! Noone can bit me!!2000K!! Wewe wacha!!2500!! Allah!3000k! Twende kazi!!3,500!! On on!!4000k, 4500, 5000k! and finally Walton Wanker at 5,100.00 was the highest bidder. (But on a serious note.. auction is OK but for Hakuna Kitu…how desperate….anyway for 5000 you can buy a lot of fiss and ugali @ Nairobi West) Impala Health and Fitness Centre is now open!! It was announced with CD as boss lady.

They obviously did not interview very widely for the job. Hashers encouraged to join!! To cap it all the Buru Buru Mafia came up with some un-inspected plates of nyama and ugali which were swung around and wankers chewed away, choosing to ignore the RVF. As Crack Ass said, ''This is Nairobi not Rift Valley" (Who said you need a brain to be a Hasher???) That's that way to go!! All said and done, a good run and a fun evening!! On on!! Mpira & Cinderella